the idea of a beginning


The way to begin anything can happen on a multitude of different emotional wavelengths. It can be stirred by excitement, and the desire to create a brand new path.  It can come from a place of sorrow or resolution, a way to repair what has once felt broken.  It can also be stemmed from a point of necessity.  A needing to change or implement a new way of doing things.  A beginning, it is just that.  A start.  It can be fresh, or it can be something we have done a hundred times.

i think the thing is, it must be done.  Beginnings are where we were all created from.  They are the point of origin from where our lives began, and thus they hold a special place in our memory and in our hearts.  We all remember first kisses, first loves, first cars, the beginnings and points in which our lives make a turn, or jump into unfamiliar territory.

This blog, this first post, this place that I am finally finding myself, is a beginning that has actually been a long time coming in the way of my heart feeling a need to create, and express myself in a consolidated forum. A wanting and desire to collect my thoughts and my trials and errors in life into a written and photographic compilation of intent and love.

I have for the most part been writing all of my life, and looking at words as a form of expression.  There was this thing I jumped into in high school ( which I reflect on now, and consider it to be a unique adolescent moment), it was a primitive blog culture.  Back in the early 2000’s my high school scene of Fargo, North Dakota, had discovered the idea of blogging on a popular site at the time, Xanga.  It would be one thing to think that maybe a few kids from my school were using it, but man, I think about it in its entirety and it really created a vast network of expression that not only included my high school, but ALL of the Fargo/Moorhead area!! It was a moment of reflection for each of us, a gushing of the days events , a tell all of what was being downloaded on Napster, what boy may or may not hold a special place in my heart because HE was listening to the Postal Service too!   We were all connected behind the safety of our computers at home, or in the library computers at school…. and there was a certain air of confidence around the idea that we could say what we wanted, it was OUR page, and we could all comment and talk, without instant messenger or text, it was a way to POUR all the greasy teenage dirtbag feelings into one venue.  A public forum at that, but it still felt uniquely private….as if only the people I wanted to be reading, were there consuming my innermost feelings.

WHAT BRAVERY!! I mean now, it is almost laughable that I felt that way.  Give way to Facebook, and Instagram and it seems like I have been sharing myself on a cyber kinetic visual level for over half of my life.  Welcome to the new cyber age, where no one actually has to run into each other anymore to know exactly what we are all up to.

I have thought to myself for quite sometime about how liberating having a blog actually was for my teenage years, and right before I like LITERALLY forgot about Xanga for the next 7 years I went ahead and PRINTED my blog off….every page, every song, every heartbroken poem, has travelled with me in master copy for over 15 years….( I pat myself of the back on the regular for this one).  And let me tell you, its hilarious.  Everything I wrote, everything I FELT was so intense and over the top, but I mean, what 14-16 year old isn’t feeling the world INTENSELY?!

Flash forward to today, and I’m proud to say I will begin anew.  Over my years away from online published reflection, I have gone out into the woods and I have LIVED! Boy have I lived, I have experienced much more than I ever thought possible, and still it doesn’t even seem like I’ve made a dent in what I’d like to find myself involved in and exploring.  I have been passionate about learning skills and studying culture and how it applies to folk art.

This blog, my current vision, is under the idea that my life is to be lived in FULL COLOR, prismatically.  A space of awareness in that way that all colors in the spectrum bring about white light, pure love and radiance in my heart with everything that I am creatively connected to.  My hope is that I can find myself sharing my life as a movement of color and space.  The integration of things that I have learned in the way of skill, and the exploration of those skills from a place of color.

This will be a place to house projects, thoughts, feelings….with the intention of connection with word and image.

I will leave you with some photos of the most current macrame piece that I have done, photographed by my incredibly lovely friend Vanessa, who is also exploring a colorful world in the way of learning to sew with me.

Thanks for witnessing this beginning, I couldn’t be more excited to start.

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